I am one of those people who don’t understand why people need space. I feel like it’s some kind of excuse to keep you at bay, or someone is just trying to get rid of you and doesn’t know how to put it.
My findings? Sometimes it actually is true, people don’t want to be around you and use space as the excuse. Key word being… sometimes. Aside from this I learnt something this past week.
Aside from football and how school is, it is pretty cool talking to your dads, they may look like they read newspapers and pay fees only but the amount of wisdom they possess is immeasurable.
Which brings us to today’s post.
Over the three months when there was so much political uncertainty, everyone on Tv (okay almost every analyst) kept talking about irreducible minimums. Google tells me it’s something incapable of being diminished. So I’ll just take it as when you can’t go below the belt.
For the feminists out there, I think I will be Cyprian today for just a bit as I set off what I learnt from this legendary old man. Not that I agree with all his philosophies but for the sake speaking metaphorically.
‘A man doesn’t want you to come and take over all the space he gives you. Men take time as compared to women.” At first maybe I was shook at hearing this (I really was) because which female doesn’t wan to be all up in their man’s business!
But it made sense, we sometimes actually overstep then have withdrawals when we are being pushed away. For that we may error as the female species. My boss at work once said we cannot have a board of directors made just of women in as much as we want to empower the woman. Men have what they bring to the table just as much as women, and no matter how different and sporadic we are, we all build a brand to what it is. (I’ve not quoted this because I may have added a word or two)
When a man offers to change a babies diaper he does so because he is willing, not because it’s one of his defined roles. Maybe he’s seen you have so much to do and he’s just trying to be kind enough to help out. I noticed it becomes a problem when you get to a function and start calling out, ” Baba nani, the baby pooped on himself please change the diaper.” Then your hubby ignores you and you catch feels and make it a topic of discussion (or war) when you get home.
I may be a bit traditional with how I was raised because I’ve been taught my role as a girl in the African household, for some people I’ve debated with they feel like I’m still a prisoner of what Traditional African society defined as my role. But I beg to differ, if we accept this whole modern idea and throw away our culture, what is inherent in us, our moral fabric, then we lose our identity. We will not be like the people from the west because we adopted their culture, and we will not be our African selves because we are too busy seeing our culture as trash.
This is not to say as a woman you are expected to be any lesser than you want to be. No! If that was the case I’d be married off and never would I have seen a classroom. All I think is culture is important. We shouldn’t get to a point where to greet our elders only requires us to remove one earphone and shake their hand with our left hand. Neither do I think that because we are modern women we should impose roles on our future husbands because now we’ve also gone to school.
Ask for help when everything spills out of control, ask nicely. But this entitlement we have is what I feel goes below the belt with guys. That’s what ticks them off. In the end men are proud beings, the Bible even puts them as the head of the family. Once you know this as a woman you are able to understand how things work. (sijui I attach a sermon on this)
However, as a woman you have your power, you run your household. Don’t be like Queen Vashti who lost her Queendom because she refused to go and see the King when he called her. Look at Esther, she who the King loved, so much that even when she approached without being summoned, he said, “What wilt thou, queen Esther? and what is thy request? that shall be given thee even to the half of the Kingdom.” Esther 5:3 (this guys kingdom came all the way to Ethiopia. Ala!)
Moral of the post; find an equilibrium of how things work as men and women. No one likes having things imposed on them. Once you’ve defined roles and respect each other it becomes very easy to make things work. Key word; respect.
Sidebar: I work with these amazing guys called Great Debaters Contest Connect, they are really smart and cool. We sort of want to give back to society in our own small way. One of the members got us a feature (thanks Julie!) And we made it to Family Tv (yeeey!) click the link below. (you can fast forward until you see a plenary with four guys) http://familymediaonline.com/video_listing/youth-on-the-move-fashion-designer-and-the-great-debators-11th-dec-2017/
Have a great week!