Thoughts of a 90's child

Baby mama fever!

I love getting away. If I had the money I’m sure I’d go on vacations more than Vera Sidika. Heck, if I had the money i’d be the female version of Jackson Biko, where people approach me to travel and write for them, such a glorious life.

Well until we get filthy rich and can go to Greece over the weekend or to London for fall, a weekend in Mombasa every other random time will do and wherever else our pockets take us.

I have finally used the SGR (yeeeey) I feel like such a Kenyan now. Slay queens please don’t judge, we know you were the first group to board. It’s okay, some people run in life while others walk. All in the right time.

It’s paragraph four and I still don’t know where this post is going. If you follow me on social media you know I’ve been battling a writer’s block which can get out of hand especially when you are trying to be a consistent writer. So when people ask what’s on for this week I literally feel my intestines tangle.

So i’ll tell you about my weekend.

I’m obsessed with the ocean, more so I’m obsessed with maturity. I like having conversations with people who blow my mind, I just sit there and I’m in awe at the functionality of your brain. I don’t know if that’s what they call sapiosexual, but God forbid I put it on my bio and suffer the same treatment as a slay queen. My ordinary self cannot handle that, let alone my Dedan Kimathi natural hair. I slay? No…. yet, watch this space. Until this money we all seem to be chasing shows up we can have that discussion.

Back to my weekend. I spent it with my cousin and his friend a very be-bearded guy. I don’t know what our obsession is with beards but they make parts that shouldn’t tingle tingle. A good beard can change your mood from 0 to a billion. You could be the most boring person on the planet but son, that mane will work wonders for you. I see why it’s a big deal for most guys.

So my beard guy, lets call him Kent, and my cousin let’s say Clark, (see what I did there) were having a conversation. They make decent money have amazing apartments and basically live the good life. Any exquisite place in Mombasa, they have been there, and don’t get me started on the wheels they have. Pretty decent by any standard. (plus the beard)

With all this cash and colorful larger than life personalities Kent tells Clark, ‘you guy we should have pataad baby mamas’ and I was shook. I mean why would you want the tragedy of a baby mama when you practically have everything money can buy. You have an amazing view of the ocean, ladies at other tables are trying every possible angle to get your attention, the waitress can’t wait for you to signal her with that tight up skirt and high end slit. Your phone is constantly buzzing with texts from what looks like fly mamis and here you want a baby mama?

Why in the world? How? Isn’t life about success and getting what we’ve ever wanted and love comes later? Isn’t that what we are taught, get an education then get married? And here is the definition of two guys who have it all but they want baby mamas?

Clark agrees nodding his head vigorously, ‘now we’d have a family and all’ as he sips his beer and the conversations goes on about how it would have been a good idea. Being ladies of course we don’t want to be anyone’s baby mama, nope. We don’t want to chase after a man for child support or custody because he didn’t put a ring on it before we got paged. But you’ll be surprised at how different it is for guys. And not just guys, mature guys.

Clark smokes his cig gazing at the ocean saying how he’d love to be a dad because ladies today are not loyal. He then turns to me and tells me to make sure I don’t mess up with a guy (thank you for the pressure!) and before they drift to talking about football Clark says how hard it is to get a good shawty.

First I think it’s messed up! These guys are probably the nicest I’ve met. They practically held the door for me at every mall! Every single time I got into the car! I mean with them you feel like some sort of princess (despite my Dedan Kimathi hair that they didn’t seem to mind. Clark the beard guy actually loved it, yeeeey natural kinky hair). Then you tell me he can’t get a lady because ladies are messed up? I mean is it that bad? Guys is it?

Has it really gotten to a point where life has become so impossible that a nice guy would rather get you pregnant by accident then marry you? Are we ladies really that entitled that there is no successful marriage left? Is it all a myth?

I remember Kent saying all his friends who are married are messed up. And that’s sad. Young couples blow cash in millions for a wedding and a few months later can’t stand each other. Why is it that only children hold together a marriage? Why would it be easier to settle with a baby mama than go the church way?

These are so many questions that I feel we need to answer before we get to that stage of actively looking for people to settle down with. No one wants to be stuck in an unhappy marriage. But it takes two to tango. If we want to manufacture joy then we have to put in the work.

I may not be a relationship expert, in fact that field is a tricky one. But from hanging out with Kent and Clark this weekend what I’ve learnt is it’s really not about the money or things. Things are just things they don’t make you who you are as Macklemore sang. Why then not work on building each other. Ladies don’t damage a guy until he doesn’t see the beauty of marriage. Especially if you are pretending to date my future husband, abeg, keep him intact, I believe in marriages that work. Guys, I don’t know if this finding is true, but don’t give up on women. There are still some amazing ladies out there, you just haven’t met them. Go on your knees and pray for your future wifey!

Have a great week and don’t forget to spread love



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