We’ve all been there, we’ve all wanted to be who we aren’t, we’ve all pretended. Some better than others…
Saying you’ve never wanted to be larger than life is like saying you haven’t tried to pee ‘quietly’ when boo is around, it is not true and holds no water to argue as such! I feel uncomfortable peeing even when my own schoolmates are around. Imagine what reading Biko’s male perspective segment does to that, when peeing loudly is ranked as a thing women do that men don’t like, it’s preposterous! (always wanted to use that word)
Anyway, I digress. Today we talk about the days when we have known that our wallets are uninhabited but still chose the high life. Those days people are heading out to Italian restaurants we can’t even pronounce and who are we not to tag along? Or we have blown cash just to fit into a clique of people who’s allowance is ten times ours.
Fortunately or unfortunately, (read fortunately) even these rich cool kids who claim to have all the money in Nairobi also have such struggles. They also have those days when money isn’t flowing as much as their Instagram may insinuate. So, we’ve all been there, it’s not just you. And it’s not bad to hit rock bottom. It makes you a better spender (wondering when i’ll perfectly learn this). It makes you realize that just because you haven’t gone out it doesn’t mean the rest of the crew won’t. Which is sad but true! Money does really come and go, and the going part is way faster than the coming part, especially if you’re a young adult who’s fighting to get their degree.
To some extent however, I agree with the need to seem larger than life, its about the power it attracts. But in all honesty I also understand it is not necessary. Yes, we live once and shouldn’t tip toe through life to arrive safely at death. What happens then when we can’t be trusted with the little we are blowing, when will we ever get the much we all desire?
Most of my friends are from middle class families, myself included. In the same group of friends I know someone paying their fee of close to 100,000 bob and here I am asking for an increment in my allowance. In the same group of friends, (mostly the older guys I’ve been able to hang out with) I know people driving cars that are loaned. At the same time I know people who own their own houses at 25!
For guys, Nairobi women can be pricey, (and this is a very touchy topic) they want you to blow over 30K a weekend, take them out for lunch over the week, a few coffee dates there in between and it’s summer, Malindi by end month. Some women are extra like that and even demand it if not more. We were all raised differently. If that’s your situation and you can’t afford it, talk to your woman. If you don’t have money to blow come clean. Don’t paint a picture you can’t live up to. Worse still, don’t get into debt to paint this fake picture. If your woman is understanding and loves you unconditionally she will help work towards building with you instead of deflating your bank account. And to us dear women, as Mr. President says on his snapchat, ‘a real man ball with the same woman he was broke with’. I’m not saying let him do you wrong or give him money, no, don’t, you’ll make him lazy and dependent. (unless it’s an emergency in my view) But be his rock while he is building, especially those in relationships that are leading to marriage. Don’t be the reason your man doesn’t break the glass ceiling. Then when he has a break through and he is for you, you’ll be the one he’s balling with.
I feel like a relationship counselor now…sigh… before it get’s out of hand we’ll save this post for another day!
No one knows their limits like you do.
I love how Meg Jay quotes Charles de Montesquieu in The Defining Decade, when he talks about life looking better on Facebook. ‘If we only wanted to be happy, it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, which is almost always difficult, since we think them happier than they are.’ Just because you don’t have their life doesn’t mean you need it. Start looking for things that make YOU happy. Not for others to think that you are. And one of the best ways to do that is, know your limits, and live within them.
There are larger than life personalities. Who are billionaires and to the strictest sense, larger than life. Getting there takes a lot of work in your twenties as I have learnt. (If you haven’t read this book, the defining decade and you’re in your twenties, drop me an email i’ll share it. It’s a must have!) Don’t lose your most productive years at the cost of a lifetime.
Celebrate life when you make a step towards something greater, but don’t celebrate nothing each and every day of your life.
This post was inspired by a conversation with one of my loyal readers, thank you Jane :). Alongside people’s statuses on my WhatsApp that literally change my view on life, the book I just quoted and finally not forgetting all the wonderful friends and family who are such an inspiration to my life.
All the love in the world!