Maya’s thoughts

She stood there looking outside the mellow drapes that hung high up the window. The site was beautiful the thought of waking up to trees and birds chirping in a house filled with all that life could offer. Seeing the sunrise, the beauty that was all a fault of one star being too close to the earth, but such beauty made her afford a smile, the thought alone made Maya want to sell her soul for a life with such satisfaction.
It was better than her crappy apartment along Ngara where all she heard were buses honking day and night and couldn’t catch a glimpse of the sun or stars even if she wanted.
I guess it came with the poor urban planning that had quashed any chances of the houses being spaced.
But no, now she wouldn’t think about that, it wasn’t important it needed to all be at the back of her mind. She was supposed to be happy, yes happy  despite the tremendous amount of lonelinessloneliness 5 she felt; the sadness that came with being different, the fear of exploration, the injustice of karma, the disputed thoughts of dramatic losses she had in her head, the definite formula for loneliness. But because she had that one chance to run away from her life and not care for about three hours.
It was good enough
Good didn’t quite cover it, spectacular maybe,
as she felt the butterflies in her tummy tingled a bit on the memory that lingered in her head.
The stars,the music, the chemistry.  Something she had not felt in a long time. Something she had actually never felt. The idea of being so close to someone all while under a God given roof far high up.star watching 3
The thought of having his lips on hers, paralyzing her pride
The craze of waltzing under the moonlight making her worries vanquish.
But just before she could get excited therein lied a question would it last,of course there was nothing about it that was intended to last, she knew it was a one night stand but she couldn’t admit to herself. It was all straight from a movie, more or less the notebook,  or dear John but it all felt like it wasn’t going to end up in a horror story where all her fantasies are quashed ,  where she’s back to a world that believes to love is to lie.
The sun rays peered through the curtains  in what felt like a spectrum blinding her and deterring her line of thought.
The effects of a sleepless light felt as good as a hangover and her head tipped a bit of balance at the weight. The view was golden, in as much as she hated it she had to move away from the curtain only to meet the cornerstone of her thoughts in flesh and bones.
She died in a haze to just spill her thoughts, the happiness she felt, how she yearned for him to be hers even if just on more time, but a little voice inside her couldn’t let her, she was not for him and he was not for her, maybe she was the star that stood alone shinning bright with no other star in sight for miles, or rather light years. Obviously she wasn’t going to compete with the stars that spoke all truth, she was alone.
Or were they wrong?
Because she couldn’t shake off wanting him to say that he would remember her, lying in a borrowed dress under the stars, with shaggy hair no make up on and his words as he called her beautiful, even if just in his wildest dreams.loneliness 7
Maybe she just wasn’t a girl that thought a boy was the answer, she was just so tired of being alone.


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