Earlier last week I was watching Over 25’s latest video (link below) and Jules mentioned today’s blog post title.
When I was young and naive, (always wanted to say this), I thought i’d get married and feed my man grapes in bed all day or we’d have candle lit dinners every night swimming in money from God knows where.
Today of course i’d say I’m a bit wiser because I’ve realized it way harder for a man/woman to love sort of how God loves us. Our kind of love is triggered by so many things, you stop calling, I love you less, you stop replying my messages I put an asterisk to my love for you, you reply my emails after seven business days we stop talking for good. Until we bump into each other at some event and ask what happened.
Human beings are obvious, I think this is the lesson i’m taking away from my 2017. we are too predictable. In as much as we try to pretend we are mysterious. It is very easy to know when someone is obsessed with you and the minute they stop giving a hoot about you. The only mystery is, who are you obvious to?
Before I jump ship, I think love is amazing, I for one in all my high school days thought it was this beautiful metamorphosis that ousts every existing former form. It actually is, we just really suck at executing it. Why else would a man who loved his wife say he no longer loves her because she’s fat after three kids. Why would a woman who’s husband paid her school fees say she doesn’t love him any more because his business isn’t doing well and he’s currently broke?
Because we love things, instead of people!
Forgetting what Macklemore so accurately put out, “things are just things they don’t make you who you are” (by the way if you’ve not listened to his comeback song, glorious i’ll do you the honors below.)
It is easy to love things because in this day and age with all social media glam and a modernized society we feel the need to have these “things'” to belong. We have so much FOMO, we forget we are human first.
I dare not argue that there is no love, there is, we may not see it but there are marriages that flourish day by day. Like this Indian progeny couple I met on the train the other day, they were pretty much the description of what i’d call growing old in love. The woman carried cupcakes for her husband so that he’d enjoy her food in the train because he didn’t like buying food from just anywhere. He in turn would constantly walk her round the train when she got tired of sitting. I mean I don’t think many people do that today.
If it was a normal young couple the conversation would probably be;
Fam! Umechoka? Enda upige lap utanipata hapa nimekushikia kiti. Ama for the ladies, babe you’ll get hungry? I don’t think I can wake up early to bake muffins we’ll just pass by cafe Deli before we board the train.
The reason agree with what Jules said is because for so long I’ve seen people wanting the adrenaline of “love” to fix everything not realizing how much effort it takes to stay in love. Effort not in the big gestures but the very small ones. Not just in boyfriend girlfriend relationships or husband and wife even with your best friend, your parents, your squad, you name them!
We are far from perfect love, so far from my eyes, but the feeling of love, the adrenaline you get is not enough to get you there. Same way looking at textbook and loving a unit is. You need to actually put in effort and read that unit like there’s no tomorrow. Failure to which you prolly won’t get such a lovely grade thereafter.
This topic for one has been spoken off too much, people say love doesn’t pay the bills, love doesn’t put food on the table, love doesn’t fuel the car neither does it buy you a house! It is true, and so many people want to have all these ‘things’ love can’t buy before they ‘fall in love’ with the one.
I understand the logic of why love won’t take you all the way, but I also get that is inherent in all of us. We just don’t want to admit it. We desire to love just as we desire to offer love. Then everything else keeps getting in the way.
Arguably true? Start the conversation…
Have a great week!