Kinky hair diaries
For any natural hair holder, not this mix breed hair that curls like it was conditioned by angels, the real kinky hair that makes you wonder if you’re ancestors condemned you to dreading the salon for eternity; there’s nothing worse than hair day. First, because it is torture and second because it is more torture.
Your hair experience is heavily dependent on the hair dresser you get and aren’t they are piece of work to deal with!
There are various types of hairdressers. The first one is the arrogant one who went to beauty school and is most certainly an entitled millennial who feels she should probably be working at Ashley’s and can’t stand her job. She’s always chewing gum and her attention is always on the tv. When she’s washing your hair she doesn’t care if the water spills on your face or if she’s scrubbed the middle of your head properly. If her phone rings you’ll be damned if she ignores it to serve you. She just wants to get through the day and scroll down her instagram with the salon WiFi. If your hair is kinky she’ll just blow dry it for a few seconds and sigh at the amount of torture she’s enduring. Then she’ll ask Mama Ken to take over.
Now there’s Mama Ken. Self taught no nonsense hair dresser with children to feed and a love for her job. For her nothing is impossible. There’s nothing new for her. She’s the one who gets the yearly bonus and employee of the year award.
When Mama Ken washes your hair you’ll feel her fingers dig into your scalp. You’ll feel your brain somersault at the pressure and that’s just the beginning.
When it comes to blow drying that mane of yours every comb will go through from the Afro comb to the tiny one that mix breed hair holders use to comb through. She will blow dry your hair until your ancestors reconsider the hair texture they blessed you with.
She knows your hair is kinky. She’s dealt with it before. Meaning she’s relentless to making it work. As they brushes go through and you’re writhing in pain she’ll remind you pain is beauty. In not time she’ll be on the next comb dancing with your hair as you run away from the blow dryer that is daring to tear away your scalp.
She’ll give you a look through the mirror. The one African Mum’s give you when you’re about to get a spanking. Then your brain cells will register and get in formation. And for a few moments the pain will disappear.
Then you get to the tiny comb and there you know you’re up for a death sentence. You know the hair strands cannot get through. And immediately your face shines of a new found sadness as the blow drier keeps rumbling. Mama Ken will look at you and her motherly instinct will kick in and she’ll look at you with understanding and love. She’ll give you the same look she gives Ken when he is struggling with his homework and it’s already 10:00pm.
She’ll then gently say, ‘funga macho ndio usiskie uchungu’ and it makes no sense at all but somehow that works. You shut your eyes like your brain depends on it, because it does. Then she starts working through it. Of course it’s not as bad as when the process was starting when you were straight from washing. Though your brain doesn’t know that. It just knows pain is pain. And pain demands to be felt!
Mama Ken will finish and what looked like eternity will be over. She’ll look over and Ms arrogant millennial fixated on her phone and say nothing. She’ll then politely ask what oil you want used then proceed to finally straighten it before braiding. She’ll then take over and be the one to braid your hair. Maybe, you were getting there thinking how you don’t want her to do your hair then she ends up being your best friend chatting you up as she goes along.
By the time she’s done your getting her number for next time because she told you a story of how important it is to be well groomed in case you bump into your Mr. She thrown in how she met her Mr and you don’t mind because she’s not the annoying Uber driver type. She’s actually cool people. She tells you image is everything and hacks to help make your hair better. (Which end up being better than what you watch on YouTube). She recommends products and and where to get them and you promise you’ll try them.
And that’s how Mama Ken becomes your hair dresser for years. And when you cheat on her, your hair just ends up suffering. When you go back she just looks at the damage but because you’re now her child like the prodigal son she takes you back year in, year out.
Want to say hi? Drop me an email on info@glynismaina.co.ke
